Things that Cannot Be Compared: Exile and Diaspora*
by May-Lee Chai 翟梅莉
Winner, Neutrino Short-Short Prize, selected by Stephen Fishbach
1. Ye-ye 爺爺
Bags of Chan Pui Mui dried plum candy
A shiny new quarter pulled from my brother’s ear
The clean white handkerchief folded in the pocket of his suit jacket
The leg broken in war
The bone that never healed
The open flesh wound cleaned daily
The teeth in a glass beside his bed
His cane against the wall
2. Nai-nai 奶奶
Scent of mothballs rising from her silk qipao
The curly brown wig worn over her pinned long silver braid
The hole in her heart for family left behind
sent-down to the countryside
为人民服雾
to learn from the peasants
The money sewn into waistbands, secreted into hems, tucked into pages glued
at the edges
of old magazines, mailed to China with notes for the censors Red Guards Communists to read
Give these pictures to your farmer friends!
in her strong calligraphy, the strokes turned jagged
The white powder on her face in the picture from the funeral.
3. Oldest Son/ Father 大兒/爸
Slipping Ye-ye cash before the banquet
(always saving face)
The impeccable suits, the brilliantined hair, the knotted tie
The Ph.D., the book on the bestseller list, the television appearance
The first heart attack
Open-heart surgery
Angioplasty
Stent
The cancer diagnosis
4. Auntie 阿姑
The legendary gifts: (both passive and aggressive)
deodorant and negligee
the giant box with the biggest bow
for her classmate’s wedding
filled with rolls of toilet paper
The extended organ solos:
in the middle of Mass
the pumping of the pedals
the hands perched like dragon claws
racing over the keys
pounding like the thud
of bombs falling
The lament:
I could have been a concert organist
I could have had a career
I was going on tour, but then
I found out I was pregnant
then I had a second child
then another
another
5. Second Uncle 二叔
Off -brand toys
Always trying out a new joke
Knock knock
Three men walked into a bar
Who’s there?
Orange you glad I didn’t say ‘Banana’?
The perm that burned his black hair orange
The Puerto Rican girlfriends
The arranged marriage with the Mainland woman
The divorce
The sons who never called
6. Youngest Uncle 三叔
The practical career advice: Focus on your education! They cannot take that away. You can always find a job as a programmer as an engineer as an accountant
The long hours at work
The bigger house
The longer hours
The private schools
The calls late at night, the investment opportunities
The time he didn’t come home for two weeks
three weeks
The calls from the cousins, Have you seen our dad?
The secret gambling addiction
The excuses: But you didn’t see how much I won!
7. Cousins 堂妹堂弟
Look at her grades
Look at his report card
This is what she did
This is what he won
Why can’t you be like her?
Why can’t you be like him?
The eating disorders, the self-harm, her divorce, his years of therapy.
I felt like I couldn’t breathe
I started to lose weight
I gained all that weight
My hair started to fall out
I didn’t know that
Is a sign of depression
The trauma, the trauma, the trauma
Finally something to share.
8. Pre-History: The Wars
The Boxer Rebellion 1900-01
The fall of the Qing Dynasty 1911
Warlord Era 1911-1927
Sino Japanese War 1937-1945
Number of Japanese air raids over Chongqing: 268
Number of bombs dropped: 20,000
The sound of drums reminded him of bombs falling
That’s why we were never allowed to listen to music
Civil War 1945-1949
We got the very last train out of Nanjing!
After that, the Communists blew up the tracks Who knew
we were lucky
Cities lived in during the wars:
Nanjing, Wuhu, Changsha,
Sunxi, Chongqing, Nanjing,
Shanghai, Guangzhou, Taipei
Immigration 1950-
I didn’t know I wasn’t coming back
After my son was born, I figured I should become a citizen
There was nothing to go back to They took our house After [ ] and
[ ] and
[ ] died.
9. Exile in the United States
After a lifetime
Visit the ashes in the suburban mausoleum
Leave the offering of plastic flowers
They’ll never wilt!
A bowl of rice
A plate of oranges
Ghost money
I don’t really believe but
Your grandmother didn’t take any chances
Incense too
Send smoke signals to the ancestors
Even further than the ocean
Across the Yellow Springs.
*The line “Things that Cannot Be Compared” is taken from an entry in The Pillowbook of Sei Shonagon, translated by Ivan Morris (NY: Penguin Books 1967).
May-lee Chai (翟梅莉) is the author of eleven books of fiction, nonfiction, and translation, including her short story collections, Tomorrow in Shanghai, which was a New York Times’ Editors Choice and longlisted for Th e Story Prize, and Useful Phrases for Immigrants, recipient of a 2019 American Book Award. Her short prose has appeared widely including in the Paris Review Online, New England Review, Los Angeles Times, and Kenyon Review Online. Her writing has been awarded a National Endowment for the Arts fellowship, Bakwin Award for Writing by a Woman, Asian/Pacifi c American Award for Literature, named a Kiriyama Prize Notable Book, and recipient of an honorable mention for the Gustavus Myers Center for the Study of Bigotry and Human Rights Book Awards.