tender lunges by Paula Harris
Editor-in-chief Jennifer A. Howard on today’s bonus essay: Only the brilliant Paula Harris could write an essay so sexy and so practical at the same time. What an incredible voice.
tender lunges
I am “I threw out my back trying to flirt with my wife” years old apparently
—tweet by Todd Dillard, 22 December 2019
a release in preparation for sex in the living room, in various upright positions
Your legs will definitely need to be stretched; hamstrings spasming part way through is going to be irritating. And distracting, for both of you.
This will require a series of stretches: hamstrings, obviously, but for the calves both the gastrocnemius and the soleus will need attention.
As you stretch, think: soften the knees, then lengthen through the knees, then soften the knees, then lengthen through the knees. Downward facing dog can be helpful, while also offering the easy transition to being a good potential position for living room sex.
You’re wanting to get both the deep and superficial muscle layers.
a release in preparation for a long make-out session with your lover
You’ll want your neck to be free of any tension, so I’d suggest a pre-emptive appointment with your osteopath.
Don’t do those fast neck rolls, which do nothing at all, beyond annoy me to see: take it slow, baby, this is setting you up for what’s ahead.
Interlace your fingers and rest the back of your head in your palms, press your head back, gently, and press your palms forward, gently. Be aware of the weight of your head. Be aware of your muscles as they become active.
This is only one option, but whatever release you choose, always go slow.
a release in preparation for snuggling up behind your lover while they stand at the kitchen bench
The ability to wrap around your lover in a relaxed way is crucial here, so I suggest focusing on your upper back.
Personally I have a pair of yellow spikey balls that I lie on for this—balls that are not too soft, not too hard—which are deeply unpleasant but worth it.
Think of the embrace as a moment in which you’re wearing a blanket—cape-like around your back and shoulders—and you then wrap the blanket around your lover and yourself, so that you can both find warmth.
This is what you’re preparing your body for. To wrap the blanket and to be the blanket.
a release in preparation for the first time you kiss your lover each time you see them
Relax your lower lip.
Relax your lower lip.
Relax your lower lip.
Even when a smile overwhelms you.
Relax your lower lip.
a release in preparation for going down on your lover
You will need to find strength within the softness of your joints and muscles. You will also need a suitable number of pillows to allow both of you to be supported—comfortably—as needed.
Practise full mouth engagement by repeating the following: the tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips, the tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips, the tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips, the tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips.
Do not actually use the teeth, unless asked for; this is an exercise.
I’m sure my childhood speech teacher would be proud of me repurposing this exercise in this way.
a release in preparation for one year together
Gently press your fingers down the sides of your face, slowly opening and closing your jaw. When you feel the movement of the joint, where jaw and skull meet, gently but firmly press into it—small circular motions may be best—because I know that for myself reaching this point is a shock and the jaw drop cannot be entered into without warming up.
a release in preparation for two years together
As above.
a release in preparation for being on top
It’s all about the hips, about having them open, having your own personal full range of movement available.
I like butterfly pose for this, although with the addition of PNF (Proprioceptive Neuromuscular Facilitation): find the pose, find your easy stretch within the pose, breathing calmly, then press your forearms or palms against your inner thighs and press your inner thighs up against your forearms or palms for six seconds, breathing calmly, then return to your easy stretch for thirty seconds.
Repeat for three rounds.
When I say hips, really I mean groin. I’m being unnecessarily polite for your comfort.
a release in preparation of waking up for early morning sex with your lover while spooning
The key is the ability to move through a variety of small changes in position smoothly, while still half-sleep, while still wanting to run your hands over your face and check if there’s sleep in the corners of your eyes.
Work your way through standing side-to-side lunges, through your own personal range of movement, without pushing to find any pain. Move smoothly. Make small changes in how high and low you are. Rise up through the middle as you transition from side to side. Don’t rise up through the middle as you transition from side to side. Occasionally hold to one side for two breaths. Play with the movement. What can you create in it?
Be kind to your knees.
a release for your feet, to reduce foot cramps just as you’re about to reach orgasm, in preparation for orgasm
Again, with the yellow spikey balls. Standing and rolling them underneath the soles of my feet. I also have a purple spikey peanut—a peanut with a size that suggests steroid use—which is even better. One foot at a time, whether it’s the yellow spikey ball or the purple spikey peanut.
To help reach orgasm the muscles of the back body are often tensed—the glutes, hamstrings, calves, feet pointed or flexed, based on your preference. Even the back muscles can be tensed. This held tension—to help create the right kind of tension for an orgasm—can make any place of excess tension become apparent. Especially feet and calves.
Don’t press into the spikes as if you’re trying to drive them into your body. More than a light touch, but not to pain. Discomfort is okay, but not pain.
a release in preparation for release from your lover’s bed
Take it slow. Allow your body to stretch and move in all directions, in any way that just feels right. Don’t think about how you should move, but move how your body wants to move.
Listen to the sounds of your lover moving around the house. Smile. Roll around and giggle to yourself. Hug yourself with the warmth of their body that still remains in the bed. Remember that it’s harder to come back once you leave their bed, so check to see how long you might be able to stay. When you’re ready, begin by reaching a leg out.
You’ll never properly be ready. You’ll realise this before the outside air even reaches you.
Paula Harris lives in Aotearoa/New Zealand, where she was a Pilates teacher and massage therapist, but now she just sleeps a lot because depression is like that. She won the 2018 Janet B. McCabe Poetry Prize and the 2017 Lilian Ida Smith Award. Her writing has been published in various journals, including The Sun, Hobart, New Ohio Review, and Aotearotica. She is extremely fond of dark chocolate, shoes, and hoarding fabric. website: www.paulaharris.co.nz | Twitter: @paulaoffkilter | Instagram: @paulaharris_poet | Facebook: @paulaharrispoet
