I Am Both by Suzy Stephens
Northern Michigan University undergraduate Suzy Stephens is the winner of this year’s Diversity Common Reader Program creative writing contest, sponsored by Passages North. Congratulations, Suzy!
I Am Both
In Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates, a section that struck me was when he was discussing the interview that he had with a journalist who asked him about his body and how it seemed that she wanted him to awaken her from a dream. A dream in which there “is perfect houses with nice lawns. It is Memorial Day cookouts, block associations, and driveways. The dream is treehouses and the club scouts. The dream smells like peppermint but tastes like strawberry shortcake” (11). He discusses how for so long he wanted to escape into this dream himself, but that could not be an option because the dream relies on us. This has been something I have struggled with, wanting to be apart of the dream and be blinded to the real world. I moved to the United States from Egypt in the 8th grade, my father is American, my mom is Egyptian and I am both. My whole life I have struggled with trying to find the balance between the two. I’m ashamed to say that during my time in high school I wanted nothing more then to be like the rest of my fellow classmates. I was an anomaly, I had curly hair, brown skin, spoke a different language, and had a completely different religion then everyone else, I hated it. My fellow classmates made a habit of always reminding me of my differences. So, to be the same, to be a part of the dream, I distanced myself from the half that made me unique. I stopped speaking Arabic, I would straighten my hair, and I did my best to stay out of the sun if I could. This all sounds very extreme I’m sure, but all I wanted was to not be different. It was the summer before I would start college that I had an awakening. I realized there was nothing wrong with being different, in fact growing up with two cultures made me more aware of the issues happing at home here in America and the issues happing in my other home, Egypt. Being of two different backgrounds made me more aware of the world and the issues we all face and understand that racism is unavoidable. There will always be people who don’t like who I am just because of what I am.
The second part that was compelling to me is when Coates discusses how his son’s life and upbringing is much different from his own. “Your life is so very different from my own. The grandness of the world, the real world, the whole world, is a known thing for you. And you have no need for dispatches because you have seen so much of the American galaxy and its inhabitants” (21). This made me think of my mother who has had a completely different upbringing from my own. She was born and raised in Cairo, Egypt, with her eight other siblings and parents all living in a house that was the size of a shoe box, in a rundown part of Egypt where her concerns were finding the means to feed her younger siblings and herself, making sure the electricity stayed on, having clothes on their backs, and a good clean source of water. There were days when her parents made her stay home from school so she could take care of her siblings or work with her mother to put food on the table. My mother always dreamed for something greater for herself and I think she found that through her children. I compare her life to mine sometimes and am astonished that I had the audacity to complain about anything in my life for that matter. I am fortunate to say that growing up, I was given a great education, and no need to be concerned about starving, my living conditions, not having proper clothes, because my parents made sure that I had everything I needed. They made sacrifices so me and my siblings could have anything we ever wanted and I couldn’t be more thankful for them.
Suzy Stephens is an English major, minoring in business administration, with the hopes to graduate fall semester. She is 21 years old and from Munising, Michigan. She moved to the States from Egypt in 2013.
