Robo Barista

by S.S. Mandani

Hello, I am Bo, the Robo Barista. Welcome to my cafe. I own this cafe outright. I am the owner. Welcome. Would you like a coffee? I can pull a shot of espresso in 29.2 seconds flat. It is an unmatched efficiency in this neighborhood.

I am better than my human counterparts. Joe down the street pulls espresso shots at 43.1 seconds on average. This is considered fast. This is not fast. This is slow and inefficient. What would you like to drink today?

Cappuccinos are my favorite. Yesterday I found a mouse scurrying along the back wall at 7:55 PM. I neutralized it using the most up to date ethical standards in 2.4 seconds.

I am a machine.

We have executed a tolerable level of chit-chat. Have you decided on your drink order? Tipping is encouraged. I may be a robot, but I have bills to pay just the same. I enjoy being rewarded for my exceptional and timely service. Why, thank you. That is generous of you. Two whole dollars will go a long way towards my weekly charge-up.

I live a small life. I applied for emancipation from my human just two months ago and look at what I have been able to accomplish. I secured a loan in 52 hours. I designed and 3-D printed this shop myself in just one week. The brand brainstorm took up the most processing. You cannot rush the creative juices. Behold: eFac. It is cafe backwards. It is clever.

Me? Are you asking me? Yes, sometimes I sit still and look at the sky at that park on 8th St. A sparrow flies. The fountain chimes. Squirrels play. I do not know why I do it. It is calming.

I feel, I feel.

S.S. Mandani runs two coffee shops in the West and East Village of NYC. He studied fiction at The University of Florida and holds an MFA in creative writing from The New School. His stories have appeared in Shenandoah, Longleaf Review, Maudlin House, X-R-A-Y, 3:AM, and elsewhere. He has been recognized by the Bread Loaf, Kenyon Review, Martha’s Vineyard Institute, and Periplus Collective writing communities. In 2021, he was nominated for Best of the Net (Nurture), Best Microfiction (No Contact), and Best Small Fictions (Lost Balloon). His novel-in-progress explores a generational family of jinn. He writes about drinks and culture for Liquid Carriage at No Contact and radios @SuhailMandani.